Paper Bag-Fiona Apple

I was staring at the sky
Just looking for a star
To pray on, or wish on
Or something like that

I was having a sweet fix
Of a daydream of a boy
Whose reality I knew
Was a hopeless to be had

But then the dove of hope began its downward slope
And I believed for a moment that my chances were
Approaching to be grabbed
But as it came down near, so did a weary tear
I thought it was a bird, but it was just a paper bag

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold 'cause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

And I went crazy again today, looking for a strand to climb
Looking for a little hope
Baby said he couldn't stay, wouldn't put his lips to mine,
And a fail to kiss is a fail to cope

I said, "Honey, I don't feel so good, don't feel justified
Come on put a little love here in my void"
He said, "It's all in your head"
And I said, "So's everything'" but he didn't get it
I thought he was a man but he was just a little boy

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold écause these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
'Cause I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

Hunger hurts, and I want him so bad, oh it kills
Because I know I'm a mess he don't wanna clean up
I got to fold because these hands are too shaky to hold
Hunger hurts, but starving works, when it costs too much to love

"If lyrics make people do things, how come we don't love each other?"-Frank Zappa (genius!)

Why do I blog?
Because it ain't easy bein cheesy.

Time: 4:51 A.M.
Why: Woke up, couldn't sleep, wanted to be first to see the sun.
Situation: Recent truthectomy.
Need: A hug.

i'm allowed to go to june fete on sunday. Yay. (waves small banner). Too early to be enthusiastic methinks.
In order to be reborn, one needs to die.
Ryan knows I love him now.
Read past blogs, especially the freewrites. It will make sense of a lot.
I owed you the truth. Now you have it. I'm still a coward. Just one with few less internal struggles.

"Everyone has flaws. Mine is being wicked."- Evil Duke, The Thirteen Clocks.

FUCK!
I hate being grounded. It traps me in with people who ask too many questions and shoots my concentration straight in the barrel. It also prevents me from doing things like the June fete. Fuck. FUCKKK!!! AAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!!!!!
I can't live with this. Sure its only one more week. But i don't think i can last this long if they are going to ground me.
I think i failed another math test. FUCK! GODDAMNIT!
So many friggin intrusive thoughts its driving me completely fucking haywire. Constantly cursing. Knives matierializing out of nowhere. Jeeeesusssss...
On the bright side, i earn an extra 100$ this summer by being a bus supervisor. Telling people to shut up is hell, and a bus without air conditioning is double hell, but the question of "what would you do for $100" comes to mind. My previous 275$ salary was pretty pathetic for eight weeks of work. now i get $375. My bank account will thank me. My brain will not. I would almost wager $100 on an annerisim by the end of the summer. But i wouldn't be alive to collect the spoils.
Something funny happened and i can't for the life of me remember what it was.
O yeah, i found a ping pong ball in my pants.
"Hey I think i have tic tacs..no thats an empty box..Wait!..no thats another empty box...WAIT!...no thats a ping pong ball.."-I was looking for tic tacs in my pockets in english and started turning up a whole messo crap.

Stayed home sick today. I'm depressed. Something rots.
Got a whole buncha shit i have to make up in all my classes. At this point i'm almost a straight C student. Jesus. I need to get that back. Dammmmmnit...
There was a bomb threat back there today apparently. They also dissected pigs without me (BOOOOO!) but the virtual pig dissection that zucker assigned me instead is Q amusing. Or at least the last paragraph of the main page is. Scientists often take themselves far too seriously. Which is why i like zucker.
Feel crappy. At least i don't have a metal shrapnel in my arm.
By the way i'm grounded for grades for the next week or so, so please phone call as much as possible (not gonna post phone #, but i'm the only Sutin in the book on shoemaker Road) and don't attempt to invite me anywhere. Dammnit. I hate being grounded. It's not losing the social thing i'm worried about i just freaking can't stand my house. Too tedious. I spend most of my time taking walks. Grrr morons Grrrrr..

"Glitch in the matrix! Glitch in the matrix"-I yell this when people say they have deja-vu.

Casualty #101-15-8730
Name:Dale Armistead
Temperature: 98.03
Pulse: 72
Symptoms: Brief flash blindness, brief unconciousness, glass in right upper arm, lacerated right hand, metal sharpnel in left arm, ruptured left eardrum, sprained left knee.

Participated in police mass casualty drill at the mall. Rather, was pinned under a chair in the food court pretending a bomb had gone off. My new name is Dale. Managed to lose my shoe in the process. A fireman brought it to me later.

"There was a big boom and then it all went black and i didn't have a shoe."-Description of what happened to the police after i came out of "unconciousness".