You know i'm having an interesting time being grounded. Its almost like a meditation retreat. I'm sure it'll get real old by monday though.
I've rediscovered our karoke machine and decided to make some tapes.
Dad is playing a wedding gig today. He got wilby to play drums *scowl* wish i could crash that wedding. Wilby is the freaking best drum freaking player freaking freak *grrrrrr*.
I'm on time release aderol. Hurts less. Easier ride. I'm glad. I was fetalized with anxiousness for the past few days.
Friday i got locked out of my house, so i went on my back porch and fell asleep on the lounge chair. I was awoken about 45 min later by the terminix guy making sure if i was alive ^_^. We had an interesting conversation.

Terminex dude: So, what school to you go to
Hannah: Abington
Terminex dude: What's their mascot
Hannah: A ghost.
Terminex: You're shitting me.
Hannah: Nope, its a ghost.
Terminex: Thats funny. So you're the abington ghosts?
Hannah: Galloping ghosts actually.
Terminex:Hah! That hilarious.
Hannah: So, how are the termites?
Terminex: They're dead now.
Hannah:...so they're not too good I take it?

..yup. Thats a sad way to make a living.
I still constantly need a hug.
I rediscovered my karaoke machine and decided to make some interesting tapes to try and pass the next couple of days.
Clay too.
This weekend's theme is creativity and tears.
I would reccomend that people call me to talk. Anybody. Even if i don't feel like it, try to get me to. I really do need it.
Apparently my quiz isn't working for some people >_< O well.
I'm starting to hurt again. oy...please call. I'm an interesting person to be alone with, but i'm scary too.
My dreams have been getting very disturbing lately. More intricate and cryptic too. I know a wiccan without dreams is like a sea without the tides, but its still scary. Last night was the worst. For some reason i amputated my own leg and was trying to dispose of it. But the scary thing was i still had two legs, except one was sort of tenatively attatched to me by the knee, the other solid. The third i was holding in my hands and it was bleeding. Like i had switched them or something. I went through the dream fearing that the leg i had reatatched was going to fall off.
I've been thinking about turn-ons and how they're specific to different people. Fetishes are so freaking weird sometimes it just makes you wonder. Mine is probably speech. Sentences that stick in your head. Probably why i'm into heath ledger and johnny dep. Something about the voice. Hell, thats definetely why i developed that crush on Saul last year. Heh. His voice is hot, but i really don't have a lot of tolerance for insecure men *shrug*. I mean were all insecure to a degree but most people can say yes or no to a "will you go out with me?". No would have been fine, but he just left me hanging and that was fucking with my mind. So i just let it go. Crazy bastard. W'ere cool and all, but that don't make him any less of a crazy bastard.
Aye..i need a blanket of some sort. Comfort food, an actual blanket, someone to talk to..Yeah i know i could easily just pick up the phone and call somebody, but i what i really need is somebody physically here. It hurts to have a heart to heart with someone when you can't hold them or have them hold you. I need that connection.
As far as talking about my feelings goes, if i don't do it on my own with you its nothing against you. I need to be prodded a bit. With the exception of my father, i will not really talk unless i'm prodded. I'm a true water sign. All it takes is a touch and i will ripple out until theres tidal waves.
theres miss fiona again
If i let you get too close/ you'll set your spell on me/ ow ow its so evil babe/ the way you let your grace enrapture me/
Being a scorpion is hells shit at times.
Walter just called. That made me feel better.
A little.

I'm going to dig through my poetry archives.
*shuffle*
Ah, heres a classic.
Nice and angsty.

A flowered vine/ Wildly gorgeous and strange/
You could pick me and take me home/ but i cannot fill a vase
so instead i dry out/ watch you take some other flower/
I cling and crawl your walls for you/ but live on my own/ and watch you give her water/
I may not be delicate/
I may not need you/
but i still want and love you/
I'd like some water too.

I'm weaker than i think sometimes.

Dan Kress: I'm crying on the inside
Hannah: You should see someone about that. It's not natural.

I made a sexalicious quiz

Take my Quiz on QuizYourFriends.com!

Because many of you have only uncovered the tip of the iceberg >.> <.<

My new ID is so friggin hot.
And so my term of grounding begins..
I always need to talk when theres nobody there. Subconcious defense mechanisim? I'll call tommorow. This afternoon all i wanted to do was wrap myself up in imagination. Even though sometimes that hurts even more.
Tommorow-More sleep. And work.
My mom hired me a tutor, who will be henceforth known as my toot. I hope he's hot like the ones they have on sitcoms where the girl likes studying because the tutor is hot. urg. I really need a hug.
Sage and Hannah serving their sentences of academic misdemeanors..
People like us aren't meant to be caged. Thats how expensive china starts breaking.

"School prepares you for the real world which also sucks"-Emily's happy bunny pen.

There really is a fiona apple song for every mood that you could be in. Or situation. Or whatver. Shes just so goddamn amazing.
I often feel a tightness in my chest these days. The aderol makes me very edgy and nervous.
I went over sages house after school today cuz i was a bit locked out of mine. We watched some weebl and bob and had a rockin good time. Then i hitched a bus to work, where i wrote some interesting sentences about dead foxes (hey, RELENTLESS imagination..).
Long story. Might appear in the next issue.
And then guadalupe moved to western canada!
...yeah...
My clever and devious parents actually took the trouble of hiding my DDR from me. The first word that came to mind was "devious fucktards" but once again i know they're right which pisses me off all the more.
A tightness appears and reapears in my chest a lot these days. I remember the other day when i was crying, i just keep telling my dad over and over again. It hurts daddy, it hurts...
Then my mom came in, very matter of factly asking us what was going on. Dad said i was sad, mom wanted to know why. She said why in the same tone of voice as why are the dishes left out on the table, why is the sky blue, like my sadness had an answer. I didn't have an answer, but my dad said something that made it all right.
"Her life just isn't going the way she wants it to".
And thats all i need to know. That made me so happy. Because there doesn't need to be a specific reason. Just the knowlege that something isn't happening perfectly in my life. And that's ok. I love my daddy so much.

I was my daddy's seed that he thrust into the ground
I was my daddy's baby sprout born to fight her mound.
I was my daddy's violet so weak and needed care.
I was my daddy's flowered vine who wrapped him in her snare
I was my daddy's orchid who needed him the most.
I was my daddy's rosebush who picked and pricked the host.
Now I'm my daddy's strongest tree who stands alone unslaughtered.
But he knows better and he sees
this tree's been overwatered.

I wrote that today in social studies. Fiona my sweetheart, take them to the end.

I lie in an early bed/ thinking late thoughts
waiting for the black to replace/ my blue
I do not struggle in your web/ because it was my aim to get caught
But daddy longlegs i feel/ that i'm finally growing weary
Of waiting to be consumed by you/
Give me the first taste/
let it begin/ heaven cannot wait forever/
Darling just start the chase/ i'll let you win/ but you must make the endeavor
all your love give me a heart contusion/
adagio breezes turn my skin a sudden red/
your hungry flirt borders intrusion/
i'm building memories/
on things we have not said/
full is not heavy as empty not nearly my love, not nearly my love, not nearly

I need to sleep. Preferably in a hole.
I'm in the library. I was picking up my reserved copy of perks of being a wallflower, and i decided to give in to the temptation of an outlet.
I had a good cry yesterday. It helped. A little. I love my daddy.
Best radio set ever this morning. Bohemian Rhapsody+ I am the Walrus+ Obla di obla da = :-Dx a million
My belly aches.
I went and visited a bunch of teachers the other day.
Its so nice to walk into a room and have someone so happy to see you that they scream your full name, run up, hug you, and start wailing with happiness. Especially when its a teacher. HANNAH SUTIN!!! waii waii waii!
The junior high is my bitch now. I saw shelton, kelly, kennedy, wolf, and zucker. Goddamn i miss those guys. I almost wrote especiall (x teacher) but i realized i miss them all especially. Zucker is so goddamn cool.

"Standing on the fringes of life offers a unique perspective"-On the back of perks of being a wallflower.

Lies of ommition...
this is why
a)my DDR has been confiscated
b) my internet priveleges have been revoked
c) possible grounding.

I can't go to gameworks with molly tommorow because of work and grades.
I have c's. Punishment is for lying, not the c's.
A regular teenager can get angry and blame it all on their parents.
Not me. The punishments make sense. lack of distraction will improve my grades. So instead i have anger and nothing to do but internalize it.
Enough of this can be detrimental for my health.
For instance i haven't been able to eat yet tonight. I may not eat tommorow morning. Also this type of punishment usually increases my sleep pattern by about 200% making me very sluggish. because all i want to do is sit in my bed, cry, and hold this pain in my chest.
I wanted to call sage but he is in a similar predicament. His mom told me very nicely that he could not talk on the phone :-(.
I feel so sad and devastated right now. I have all day. For no apparent reason really. Key word apparent. There is definetely a reason there. I can feel it. That reason is a weight in my chest and a voice in my mind echoing over and over. That reason enters my subconcious with dreams that make me wonder if i've been slipped LSD. Or rather dreams that make me wonder if i'm dreaming now and where i am when i sleep is the real world. Dreams that are so warm and deep that i wake up cold every morning, regardless of the actual temperature.
I feel sick.
I feel like theres a lamprey clamping on my chest.
But i carry on.
The best way to tame an angry parent is not to argue your way, but to be the factual doormat.
All i can do is sit there, wince when they step on me, and hope what they're doing is the best.
Because if the end result is the same as the process then this doormat's drinking some household cleaning products and kicking the bucket.
I feel tears, but nowhere to put them.
I want my daddy. If he isn't too mad with me, he'll be there.
Otherwise i'll hold my blankets and cry like i've been accustomed to for many recent night.
My eyes just went up and over.
Dammnit.....
grounding is really just mental torture for me.
Goodnight. Maybe goodbye for awhile.
I need to sleep.

"Who needs pot when you have good ol' leaf? *takes leaf off a tree and smokes it*"-Carl

hah guess who thought we had friday off, but it was really monday?
Monday i'm free as well ^_^.
Anyone who finds a large bag of plastic sporks and gives it to me will recieve double what they paid for it. I'm not going to tell you why, except that it is urgent and a great personal gain to all of you.
I need to make up some formal party invites >_<. Will take me some time. And money. Damn photocopies. 50 damn photocopies.
My DDRMAX2 Came! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!
g2g, playing.
No quote necessary, but are you Owen?
*Jess Noga*
Owin' what?

Oy, theres gum on my skirt's ass again >_<.
We are facing a three and a half day weekend. Shwee! Sunday and Friday I believe i am up for grabs, Saturday theres a party that i'm not even sure exists that matt invited me to. But if that party is some sort of illusion party then I am free saturday.
Thursday nite molly nyu and I are going to gameworks ^_^. High possibility of running into tucker there, but if he tries anything i have developed a very firm straight toe kick (which is a fancy way of saying kung fu testicular assault).
I am already in love with ACLU. Any club where you can argue, curse, and bitch about this countries politics is fun hour for me. I'll actually be able to figure out whats going on without having to watch the freaking news! HA!
I need to read some Daniel Handler, considering i have a direct contact with the man and might possibly meet him on my next california outing (hedy is the schemy one). Oog. I have no time to read.
My eyes hurt.
I'm hungry.
Bitch bitch bitch ^_^.
You know i've been having chest pain. Whether or not it's emotionally related is another issue, but it still physically hurts.
My uncle pete broke his back again :-(. I like him. He's a good uncle.
Mom is nitpicking about my friends as a backlash of walters no-good dirty friends no longer being here. A casual comment about how such and such a person eats like a maniac and never gains weight immediately causes her to spring to the conclusion that they have bulimia. Where has the trust gone?
I love my daddy. I wish we had more time together. Sadly we are both working like dogs.
Him with two full time jobs, me with 8 million part time activities, him with groceries, me with dishes...
Quality time?
The car ride on the way to therapy >_< booo.
Yoop.
hoo hoo. HOO HOO!
hehehe owls.

"You're not chuckling funny..you're more like wait three seconds in silence then laugh insanely till you puke funny"-Brian. Works at my tae kwon do studio.

You know those Navy Seals were like hot navy blue angels falling out of heaven because they did something naughty.
Stop the war. Send the troops to my house.
Sage's blog filled my heart with love. Compliments like that render one speechless.
Sage, you also brighten up my day. Thank yoo.
On another note
*hem hem*
RYAN AND EMILY ARE GOING OUT! YAYYY!
I believe i deserve a Yente badge. Even if i didn't rEAlLy do anything, i deserve a Yente badge because i rock!
Went lazer tagging and there was a techno motion there. Naturally i was drawn to the techno motion like a crack addict to his powder. I truly have no life.
Actually I have too much of a life, but thats another story.
Anyway techno motion would be the DDR/ Pump It Up hybrid. Hrn. was a'ight. Music wasn't as good though.
Ultra zone was friggin awesome as usual.

Guy Working at Lazer Tag: Okay, does anyone have any questions?
Hannah: Is it true that theres a pot of gold at the red base?
GWALT: Yes.

Ultra zone is da bomb diggity. I'd have my party there if it wasn't so friggin expensive.
Theres always next year. Maybe by then i'll have a job that isn't four hours a week.
Snootch to the nootch!
Peace out soul hampstaS!



"This tastes like clowns. Funny."-Ruairi
..and emily sitting in a tr-
*Knight gallops in, decapitates hannah*
*hannah bleeds*