4:30
stirred from my awake
joined the physical world
while it's still delved in subconcious
My father asleep
not knowing he's caged
My mother asleep
arguing with her fate
My brother, on the couch
tv on
sound off
hoping that sleeping outside his bed
will rinse the pot smoke out of his clothes
I am awake
But my mind is at rest
My foot is asleep
go figure

...yup...
My little secrets..i have a mind again..
hey guys i have a secret. Come a little closer..liiitle closer...
okay, good..
I'M AFRAID OF SHIT TOO!
buahahha if it hurts me it must also hurt your ears!
I am gonna make myself a promise. New years resolution if you will.
I'm not gonna apologize as much for being crazy. I'm gonna avoid anger like the plague, but if it happens i'm gonna stick by it. I need to learn something this year. I need to learn that I can't get away with I'm sorry anymore. Make my damn bed and lie in it if you will.
Have I changed?
O yeah. Theres the little ways.
Blue belt, purple belt were earned in 2003.
this time last year I could not play DDR. At all.
Relentless Imagination.
Willow Grove Day Camp.
Read Catcher in the rye, stargirl, and perks. All of which changed my way of thinking. Nay, clarified it.
Started blogging. Round february methinks.
Discovered homestarrunner.
Little Shop Of Horrors stage crew. Or cat.
Developed crush on saul, and asked him out. Was rejected but thats besides the point. It's kind of funny now. He never actually answered. *makes mental note to go mess with him buahahha*
Ooo seduced a seventh grader without realizing it! That was funny!
hrnn..stattera. That sucked. Strattera sucks. I'm going to kill it.
Started talking to Dee on zee telephonos.
Joined a frickin uniterian universalist youth group. Worst decision i ever made! SPIT! ^_^.
*makes mental note to start yelling "spit" when angry*
Stopped wearing underwear! BEST decision i ever made! Hands down!
but where are the hand-O SHUT UP BRAIN!
*smek*
Met: Becca, Jen, Tim, Steve, Marisa, Temma, Gabe, Dan, Melissa, Maxi, Andrew, Elyse, *insert cast of relentless, save for Bria whom I already knew*, *insert youth group*, shaz, Grant, and a bunch of other unforgettable people who I just forgot. O! Emily! (not george or quinn..the other one.. and Garrick (sp?)..)
How else have I changed?
Clothes, def. I dress Muy cooler now.
But..
i'm better.
Good thing too.
I got some shit ahead.
It's gonna be february soon.
And I motherfucking HATE february.
Every shitty thing that ever happened happened in february.
Its pissy, difficult to spell, begins with F, and isn't even the normal length. February. The freak month.
*note, this has nothing to do with it being black history month. Personally I think giving them february was a damn insult. Black is beautiful, baby.*
FUCK FEBRUARY!

"I kind of see what you mean dad..I mean, you don't really act gay, but you don't act straight either.."-My dad and I discussing why gay guys hit on him so much. And they do. It's hilarious.

Your outlook on life can change completely in a half an hour.
Or less.
I'm okay. I'm gonna be just fine.
I think too much.
Chu chu rockets kick ass!
So does DDR still.
I like clothes.
I love people even more than clothes.
I love my dad more than anything else on the planet no matter what. And he deserves that 900$ gong. I will be rich, so I can buy him pretty things. No other reason. He deserves that gong, that djembe, that plane ticket and trip to thailand to see those giant buhdas, an adjacent plane ticket for my mother to go somewhere else so he can be FREE of her...
I'm going to college for him. So i can have that successful career. I'm getting that career, getting money, and buying him all the crap he deserves. I know already that he loves me, and that he wouldn't give a crap if I was dirt poor as long as I was still his little girl. But he still deserves a fucking gong if he wants one. I mean it!
I'm gonna be ok. I don't care if i'm standing on the edge of the earth, i'll be just fine. And thats all that matters. Throw whatever the hell you want at me world. I'm ready. My heart isn't bitter anymore. I'm ready.
We all are in a bit of a calm point in our lives right now whether we realize it or not. Be strong guys. You'll be ok. I know it.
Rainbows!

"I'm gonna hurt you so bad it's gonna hurt!"-Some little kid in the occult store. I love children. Especially brats. They think they're so smart.

O...MY....GOD...
yeah, new years was awesome, 2003, blah blah blah...
BUT...
got some more presents. Alyssa gave me this awesome dress up kit with stick on earrings. I put them on my knees. Also she gave me this crazy star thing that lights up and something else..i can't remember what the other thing was..damnit..O THAT BRACELET!! AHHA! its awesome, it's all red with shells..
yeah. Dee sent me this awesome poetry book called kiss off which is like reading back through some of my old journals. Finally some people that freak me out that aren't fiona apple. Thank you so much Dee.
From steve I recieved some dinasour board game, a toy light saber, and a penguin on a skateboard. Becca gave me a funky book thats funny. S'called tommorow. one of those picture books with the old fashioned pics, ya know?
Tim and Jen gave me two candles. On in a wine glass. And a taper candle. No, they dont' know. beheheh..
..but heres the kicker..
molly, Jen, and Tim pitched in and bought me..
A SEGA DREAMCAST!
HOLY FLAVIN!
remember how I'm not allowed to buy any other system, or more games for the playstation? Well I am above the law! Because it was a present! I can't give it back! I beat the system! BUAHAHHAA! Now i can play REAL video games. DDR is a real and awesome video game, but you need energy for that! And now I can buy Space Channel five! The world's cutest waste of time! Up, down, left, right, chu chu chu!!
They also gave me a memory unit and a copy of chu chu rockets, which is v cute. I <3 mice.
My friends kick supreme ass. Thank you guys. Thank you SO MUCH.
...but if I had to pick a favorite present...
*squeeze* AND THEN WE'LL SEE HOW EASILY THE AXE SLICES THROUGH THE MEAT!
..sorry technology don't beat a violent teddy bear.

"Personally I like disneyland better. I mean, you can walk out of disneyland and be in a normal town with sane people. But disney world is too freaking big. You can't just "walk out". And even after you get out of disney world, you're still in florida."-moi at marley's party. Which was crazy good cookin I might add.
heh my hypocritical fazzer is playing pinball on the other computer. Which i can't use yet. Whatever. I'm playing my bass.

Hey everyone. Bloggin at you from abington free library once again. After coming home from Nate's completely kickass karaoke party, i recieved a note saying I had to meet my social studies group to work on our project at the library tommorow from 12-4. Fantabulous. I love schoolwork when i'm supposed to be doing fun relaxing things. Luckily, most of my share of the work is already done. I came fully prepared to work, was greeted by no one, shortly joined by Laurie Zinberg, and now we are awaiting Dan Kwak. Chris Simpson is not coming. Laurie and I have been waiting for Dan for about 2 hours. Laurie is somehwere in this library. I can't find her, but her stuff is here. So unless she was abducted..
Whatever. My share is done. *continues waiting for Dan*.
Tonight-Marley party! I am a partying teenager. But 95.7% of these parties are so wholesome they could choke a brady. It's really funny. I get grounded for going to the library to meet with people about my reading program without telling my parents. O god. I'm starting a non-profit org for the benefit of chillun's. Sue me.
Tae Kwon Do at four.
Chris is a meterosexual, making him triple hot than he was before, if that's even possible.
I'm too busy.
Caught a mini-cold. Which isn't quite horrible thanks to my best friends Cold-Eeze, robitussin capsules, centrum, and vitamin water. I reduced a miserable hacking cough into a stuffy nose in under two hours. god bless my impressionable immune system.
soo..chicken.
I wanna roll down a hill.
I wanna meet dee in person.
I wanna pony! BUY ME A PONY! SO I CAN EAT IT! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
let me taste your TEARS scott tenorman!!
...um...
hi. If you didn't read the last entries lyrics, or download the song if you have the capabilities, do so. It's one hell of a good song.

"Why doesn't santa have any kids? Because he only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney."-My Uncle Nick. The obligitory drunk irish uncle in the family.

I'm rockin to love rollercoaster still so I'm gonna let fiona talk for me
Tell em whats goin on girl.

Fiona Apple-I know

so be it, I'm your crowbar
If thats what I am so far
Until you get out of this mess
And I will pretend
That I dont know of your sins
Until you are ready to confess
But all the time, all the time
I'll know, I'll know
And you can use my skin
To bury your secrets in
And I will settle you down
And at my own suggestion,
I will ask no questions
While I do my thing in the background
But all the time, all the time
i'll know, I'll know
Baby-I can't help you out, while she's still around
So for the time being, I'm being patient
And amidst this bitterness
If you'll consider this-even if it dont make sense
All the time-give it time
And when the crowd becomes your burden
And you've early closed your curtains,
I'll wait by the backstage door
While you try to find the lines to speak your mind
And pry it open, hoping for an encore
And if it gets too late, for me to wait
For you to find you love me, and tell me so
It's ok, dont need to say it

...yup shes too damn close to me sometimes

"(in a strong bad voice) it's over!"-me, end of lord of the rings. Somebody in the third row yelled "thank you strongbad!"