To be in my skin
to be to free
Electric cable veins run through me
My eyes, they cry
My soul, it screams
not anguish
but warning to wanna-be
I'm back! Beware!
I'm coming to collect you
in my claws I'll strangle life
Suck out every juice
pain, happiness, anger, elation
devour it for my celebration
move the dance for tribal stomp
my feet don't bleed
the hot coals smolder
I eat them with ice
turn in my stomach
bleed through my skin in power and vigor
breathe dragon's blood
eat solid fire
beat away the worlds in shame
I'll scream, I'll cackle
You can't escape
I'm crazy and proud to be this way
you can't ignore, I am outside
I'm breathing...gasping...I'm back to life

O my GOD!! haaaaaahhhhhhhh (rubs skin) thank the fucking lord. It's so good to be out. I was squinting for a few days and running into shit..but I'm back! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GODDESS, WHOEVER I'M FUCKING BACK! WATCH YOUR SHIT MOTHERFUCKERS I'M GONNA PAINT IT RED! AHAHAHAHAHA
caps.
Brown belt test tonight. I'm gonna pawn it. I feel it. I feel everything. I feel pain again. I feel joy again. Heartbreak, real depression, my creativity, my libido, my EVERTHING!! It's allllllll back. Thank god.
*breathes*
don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got till it's gone?
Be obscene! B-e obscene! Be obscene, baby-NOT HEARD!
I want to live in japan.

Cristin: Do your best impression of Dick Cheney.
Andrew: I can't do Dick Cheney.
Hannah: I can (makes puppet motions) hey kids I'm George Bush!

Ferro is possibly one of the cutest straight men alive. In that puppy-dog sense anyway.
So...back to lil' ol me. H1.
There was an assembly from power 99 the other day for sophomores. Some no name rap dudes on the rockafeller label. The audience was hearbreaking. Black kids partying, white kids sitting stone cold or making fun of the black kids. I felt like crying. They asked if anyone wanted to do a shout out on power 99. A bunch of black girls stormed the stage. I contemplated for a minute, then joined them to the cheers of my melatonin-challenged friends. And non-melatonin challenged for that matter. "A shout out to anyone who will listen. Hannah Sutin" says I into Golden Girl's cell phone. Apparently shes a DJ? whatever. I liked the music. They were popping incorectly. Not that I can pop correctly, I just know what correct popping and house look like, and they weren't doing it. It was a good rap beat though...they were just kind of phony and going along with their own stereotype. I ran to the middle of the audience where the black kids were partying because i was tired of being the penguin in the center of a white glacier. I approached the row, which was guarded by a high and mighty gangster white girl ("what the fUCK are you DOinG?!!?"). I replied "getting in your row" and proceeded to listen unobtrusively from the middle and enjoy the spirit of my good buddies Camille, Shanaya, Morgan, Turquoise, Anissa, and Kristen. I stayed after to get their autographs.
Rapper: Whose paper is this?
Hannah: Mine!
Rapper: (ignores hannah) Whose is this?
Hannah: Mine!
Rapper: Who?
Black girls: (pointing) Hers!
Rapper: Where?
Hannah: Me!
Rapper: (looks in general direction, eyes lock, sudden realization "oh the white girl") Oh, ok.
I recieved an incoherent message , with the word "holla" somewhere in it. The other rapper took the paper from me, and instead of leaning on my back to sign it leaned on my left boob. Is there no decency left in people? I mean at the very least, the right one is bigger, use some frickin common sense.
Word up to nate, who always comments on my blog. I love you. You kick ass.

Matt Bartle: This is my favorite tool! (holds up sculpting knife)
Hannah: You're my favorite tool, Matt.

H1:You.
H2:Nani?
H1:We need to talk.
H2:Whyyyyyy..
H1:Cuz I made the mistake of letting you out again and you're pissing people off. And messing up my grades.
H2:What are you talking about silly? I've done nothing! You sound mad, lets go walk in the woods.
H1: No, let's not.
H2: Why do you have a sword? Are we gonna play ninjas?
H1: No, I was thinking something more along the lines of killing you
H2: You can't kill me! We live in the same body! Nyahhaa!
H1: True. But I can repress you. Like you've been repressing me for, oh, about THREE FUCKING YEARS. I did it all through seventh grade, and then I thought you were behaving well and I could let you out, but it just fucked me over again. Then we tried to compromise, and that didn't work either. It's time you go back where you belong.
I did it all through seventh grade, I can handle forever.
H2:But why! Seventh grade wasn't any fun! You dressed boring and you were in the hospital for that spinal tap-
H1: I didn't dress boring. And the spinal tap was a clockwork february curse. Which was mostly your fault. I had a boyfriend when I had you locked up.
H2: Who you didn't even kiss :P
H1: That was your goddamn fault and you know it. Who YOU didn't kiss, sweetie. You were all "euww! Boys are icckkkyyy i wanna ride biiikes.."
H2: .......haven't you been having more fun with me?
H1: O sure. Ignorance is bliss. But the fact is, you're pissing people off and it's ruining my life.
H2: Our life
H1: Mine. I'm reclaiming it.
H2: But I'm happy!
H1: You're a selfish fucktard. All selfish fucktards are happy.
H2: You curse too much
H1: I curse too much? How about you talk too loud, laugh too loud, say bizzare shit thats only funny to you for the sole purpose of making other people laugh (it doesn't work), dress like a complete idiot for attention, you're a chronic liar, you can't keep a fucking secret-
H2: Stop cutting me! It hurts..please..put away the sword..
H1:I wont, and it damn well better hurt! You've been cutting me for half an eternity without feeling any pain, i'm about ready to cut you.
H2:I don't want to be in the dark again!
H1: Neither do I
H2: You like the dark.
H1: When I was the only one there it was bearable. Now other guys have started walking in, that you INVITED in without my permission, half of them skeletons, and I can't concentrate.
H2: On what? How depressed you are and how much the world sucks when it really doesn't?
H1: The only problem I have left in the world is you, miss.
H2: What the hell did I do wrong?
H1: Hmm..lesse...you disrepect people's space, you pounce on people who don't even want to breathe the same air as you, you're voice is 8 octaves higher than normal on purpose to be "cute", you walk right into conversations even though i fucking scream "TURN AROUND! YOU'RE NOT WELCOME HERE!", you ignore every negative thing because you "can't deal with it" or "negativity is useless", on that note you're a freaking coward, and you're pissing people off that I care about and love.
H2: ...y-you're being paranoid
H1: No, you're ignoring the facts because-
H2: (clamps hands over ears) LALALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU!
H1: (Chops H2's hands off) You're a fucking 8-year old child. Cute, yeah, but no one wants to fucking hang out with you all the time cuz you're annoying and clingy and socially inept and everyone's always fucking staring at you but you're like "lalallaa I don't care! I don't have to listen to society! I'm going to pick a flower and ignore the fact that people are readying nooses everytime I talk and that my life is falling apart around me! Who cares if I'm fucking everything up, i'm still happy long as theres grass and trees!"
H2: Shut up! (starts crying)
H1:Ohoho! Now who's crying! You know how it feels to be kept in the dark all these years with your damn skeletons that I didn't even create. But I'm the one who carried the burden! I had to live with them. I'VE FUCKING. HAD. ENOUGH.
H2:(sobs)
H1:Yeah.it's too damn bad, aint it that I have to kill you, you are cute and all, but you're ruining everything for me.
H2: I just want the sun!
H1: So do I. I've been back here for way too long.
H2:Can't we come to some kind of agreement? Compromise? Peace?
H1: Hell. No.
H2:But whyyyy
H1: You had your time. Childhood ended years ago, sweetie.
H2: You're not going to drink, are you?
H1: Unfortunately no I stopped doing that. Cutting too.
H2:Then why are you cutting me?
H1: Nobody can see you. We share the same body, no doubt. But the only see you if I let you out. It was fun..but it needs to end.
H2: I hate you
H1: No...no you don't. Which is another reason why I'm sorry I have to do this. I'm taking back the blog too
H2: wHAT! No one wants to read your depressing-
H1: Who cares! No one wants to read your sappy happy-go-lucky "I achieve everything" rants either. I'm takin it back!
H2: Bbbut you can't do this!
H1: True. But I can try. You had your chance to be out. But now you're fucking with my art, my writing, my relationships with other people....you're too young I'm shutting you out. There is no neverland for you sweetheart. You're gone.
H2:I'll always come back!
H1:I know. But nobody needs to be around to see it.
H2:WAI-(cut, bleeds)

I'm sorry you had to see that folks...but it needed to be done. I need to grow up and become one person instead of two. This is the side I'm choosing. I'm still a free spirit. Just less two faced. One free spirit. Not one free spirit and one trying to emancipate...just one. I need to end the confusion. I'm starting over. Closing for renovations as it were. I need to grow up. There is no neverland. I see that now. I've found what I want in myself, and I'm taking it and throwing out the trash. Words drool endlessly because typing is theraputic. Why be simple when you can twist another's mind?
I'm sorry. For everyone she's irritated, annoyed, or invaded their space...i'm sorry. I should have killed her a long time ago.

"If you don't want anyone to find out, don't do it."-Chinese proverb