Did anyone else end up here because Ryan said I fought conformity?
Truth, I do. I'm odd. I wouldn't have to fight to be a non-conformist. Being myself is enough. But is it ok to be myself and have the desire to free others?
Compassion is my purest poison. I dance on the path of enlightenment. The only reason I don't walk down it is I'm pointing. I want everybody else good in the world who cannot see it to see it first. I want to help. I forget which eastern religion it is, prally taoisim or buhdisim, but one of them says you cannot achieve enlightenment unless you choose to be reincarnated as a human to help other humans. I would do that. Because frankly..i think eternal bliss would be fucking boring. And I love people. Everything. They are all such dangerously twisted doomed creatures all different sizes colors and shapes, each with a story, each with a problem, each with parents, a mind, and a underlying desire to procreate. They're all so twisted and in so many varieties..people are cool. I wanna keep being one. A human, that is.
Oy. I would admit to being a bit of a non-conformist flag waver at times, or a lot, but oftenmost I know where I am welcome at the very least. I don't run around yelling at people to wear suspenders, but I do pass out gay rights awareness flyers. And quote thoreau constantly at people. Usually, if people ask, I tell them. And at the very least by being the loud type I can make people aware that theres another choice. Whether they take it or not.
Wheres my Jillian when I need her to yell "EGO! EGO! EGO!"
Yesterday-Pod. Japanese restraunt. Philadelphia. Queer and modern, mustgo, mustgo. Before Pod-mother and I took a train there-I walk out on the train platform whilst mom is purchasing les billets.
Who's there?
A stasia.
Wearing some purple.
As was I.
We had fun training to philadelphia and going our separate ways.
I get the feeling if I was a Lesbian I'd have a crush on her.
You may laugh at that, but I'm dead serious.
Ryan, you're a lucky man. Should you die and I have a sex change, I'll attempt to take care of her. granted some other bastard doesn't sweep her up.
If you are at this point questioning my sexuality, I've only wavered once and it was under the influence of alchi-hol. I did a lot of things I regret that night. One of them was not making out with a girl, but it was a pretty close shave. Thank god I've stopped drinking. Seriously. Don't do it kids. Its way too easy and effective and it works too well. Not to mention you start raging at people and talking too much to brainlessly.
Today-its 8:30. I feel like waking somebody up and bothering them. Because I'm a dirty bitch.
By the time you read this, it may have been you.
With all due respect-
Shortstack.
P.S.
I thought of spencer today. It was good thinking.

Hannah: Cork.
Andrew Lang: What?
Hannah: First thing that popped into my mind.

Think about it.

Kate Cheney, this one's for you.

Dad somehow managed to arrange my computer so I cannot have instant messenger. The side effect is I can't comment on many peoples blogs either. I do the latter from school, but once again I appear to have thrown another bundle into the "pop cultures excluded from Hannah's life" bucket. It seats neatly alongside TV and Radio.
My weight loss program is working. Don't ask me how many pounds I lost, because I don't truly know or care. Matter of fact if it were my choice, I would not be doing this at all. Buuut what Master Kim says, goes. All I know is I get out of bed and immediately get a head rush because I'm using too much energy to lift a lighter body than usual. Then I got to put on one of my size-drawstring pants and they respond by falling off. True, this difference isn't visible to anybody else yet, but its enough to bother me. And at this rate, it might be visible by the time I come back to school. I have only done this once before. 8th grade. One of those confused states. And I remember 3 days after people started noticing or commenting, I jumped off the damn wagon. But it wasn't because people were annoying me. It was because I had put myself on the damn slimfast plan. Do you know how fucking boring that is? Milkshakes do not equal meals, chilluns! I only eat them if breakfast or lunch are not fast enough. This time, however, the comments might be the reason I jump off the wagon. I am going to miss being a pseudo-chubster.
Imma gonna have problems with guys too.
Heres the thing..I've "developed" a bit since eighth grade.
If I lose the degree of weight I'm planning..i'm gonna be a bit (hah, no, ALOT) out of proportion. Cup size D and waist size 5 don't go together if you're trying to stay away from the braindead droolings of the male species.Not to mention keeping the ability to stand upright >_<. Analise D'orazio knows my pain. I think shes one of the smarter abercrombie-clad chicas that roam Abington. Before you say anything about that, try to remember if you've ever actually had a sane conversation with her, not listened to what she talks about with the other A&Freaks. If you haven't, that statement would have made no sense.
Although, I think I'm safe. The other day I was walking down the hall. I noticed two guys look at me and walk past me. Then I heard from the other end of the hall.
"Damn"
"yeah, she'd be really hot if she wasn't such a psycho"
....:-D.....
I've also had
"Weirdo"
"she's got a fat ass though"
...?....
yeah I don't think I need to worry about them too much.
Time to DDR.
ugh, I'm gonna miss you belly :-(.

"Make the most of yourself. For that is all there is of you."-Emerson. Katie gave me a bookmark with this on it. I think I've already used this quote. Nobody cares.

I have nothing against Brunettes. It was a comeback implying that "evil" was an obvious statement and not an insult.
I had a bit of an episode last night. Not a bad one, but a weird one. I think Sol LeWitt had it pinned down pretty good. Ideas as a medium..interesting..
So I had insomnia. Hardcore. I stared at the ceiling of my bed (its a bunker for those of you who haven't slept with me) for several hours. Suddenly it was 2:00 am, I was hungry, and I was bored. Plus I was starting to get ideas. If I don't sleep for awhile, I get ideas. I downed a bowl of cinnamon life and went up to my room. Then the ideas started happening. I put some funk music into my headphone machine and went at some odd matierials. I think wire and underwear were involved in some of it. Pom poms as well. And glue. I ended up with a conceptual piece (click on the Sol LeWitt thing if you don't know nuthin' bout conceptualisim miss scarlet). I think I wanted to call it "unintentional dream zephyr" or something. It was now about 2:45 am. Around this time with the addition of art, my sanity starts to take a dive, simply because I am not totally aware I am going insane. Otherwise, I know I'd just be being weird for the hell of it. It was at that time I made a list. It takes up a large part of my sketchbook. Around this time of night, I develop warped logic. Theres a very specific answer for every problem and every thing, and I always know what I have to do. But the sense of duty is skewed in these completely absurd directions that make a lot of sense at the time, but right now I don't know what I was doing. So at aprrox 2:45 I made this list, which I had to make and it seemed very important at the time. The list goes as follows:

Unintentional pork dream zephyr
lazer badger rocket
candy coated box perfume set
pom pom idiot box
eraser! eraser! Keichi ate my penis!
20 cd's in a big purple box fuck
30 condoms in my choelace calander feet
14 ninehundred
pocket.
peter pans hairbrushes girlfriend
fourteen!
I think
non-corpus intentional porpus
purpose
poirpose
thirteen
eraser machine
14
body massage
remote control pipe cleaner
(space)
14!!!!
thirteen
feathers
lots
eat me
12!!!
OH!
14
fuck
The end
what?
THE END!
donkey!
shut up
I'll eat you
okay
HARFLEMFMMmm*drivels*
norton antivirus computer manual ate my brothers spleen in zoo vagina STP advanced chu chu rocket purple fuzzy carpet cleaning machine gimmicks pike funk scissor blad handbrush
Toenails?
TOENAILS!
WAIT!!!!!!
thorasonical
gidger
poodle!
My neighbor
your mother
EAT ME
Stop it
pain
ewwwwww bunnies
The begginning
I stop because

That was the end of the list. Then I had the idea that I could rewind time by listening to the same cd I just stopped listening to again. In my mind, it actually did work, and even though it said 3:00 on my clock, i was convinced it was actually 2:00 and I forgot to change the numbers during daylight savings time. Once again, warped logic. Then I began gluing googaly eyes to a piece of wood. I got paranoid at the sight of it, so I painted the bottom half of the wood purple. While waiting for it to dry, I painted the bottom of my right foot purple. Suddenly, that wasn't fair to my left foot so I painted my left foot purple. Then the tops of my feet were unfair, so i colored them with purple marker. Then I forgot my feet were not a sculpture, and wrapped them in black electrical wire. I then put multicolored pom poms between my toes. I wanted to put my feet on the shelf, but then I realized they were attatched to me and not a sculpture. I became upset and tried to find film for my camera. I didn't. I was also upset because I couldn't walk because there was wet paint on my feet. I also became upset because I forgot what a treble clef looked like and I was trying to make one out of ribbons. The end result looked more like a rose you'd see on a cake. I was very distraught by this. I washed the crud off my feet. It was then 4:00, though I thought it was still 3, because I had rewound time with my mind. I then curled up in a fetal position on my bed with my hands over my ears. Fell asleep around four-thirty.
Then I woke up tired with purple marker on my feet.
If thats what insomnia does to me, I'd hate to see myself on acid.
However, the resulting sculptures are both pretty cool.

"Marley: This exacto knife is dull as hell.
Danielle Heinz: Hell's dull? Guess I'd better cancel my vacaton booking."