Now for Melissas interview *attempts to crack knuckles, fails*
1.If you were a whore, how much would you charge and how would you charge? By hour/orgasm/sesion?
Hmm..see I don't really know what a going rate for your average whore is these days. I would probably charge by session. I'd be a nice whore. Sometimes it takes longer than an hour. And charging by orgasm would be a ripoff for them. They always come when I'm called. Then there's the fat tax. Cuz I wouldn't do fat and smelly men without an extra 500$. Ugly, there can be dark, fat, makes it difficult to manuver. And I can't turn off my nose. Theres an old tax too. Senior citizen discount my eye! Anybody over 40 pays extra. Add all this too a basic whore session rate, then I think you'd have my numbers.

2. If you could be any character from any broadway show? Who, why?
Dolly. As in Hello the latter. Because I am already her anyway. She's the woman with a million jobs that sashays all over the place in fancy sunday outfits even though its thursday, runs rings around people and causes commotions, makes people fall in love and falls in love without being weak, has a fine old time at five star restraunts without having to pay any money. And everybody knows her, because she's Dolly! She's fucking god in that musical!
Or Belle from beauty and the beast. She gets to hook up with that prince. He's a beast. Wruf!

3. If you could do anything with the members of *NSYNC what would you do and why?
Well, I'd make justin grow out his hair again so he could be my footstool. Chris would be my trusty love slave and fashio coordinator. Joey and Lance would carry me everywhere and we'd play a lot of video games. I'd stab JC in the face cuz he's a fruitcake.

4. If you ever found J.D. Salinger, would you teach him to:
a. play DDR.
b. write, because HE SUCKS (ur opinion, not mine. i mean if u feel that way.)
c. successfully lose weight using the Atkins Diet.
d. not teach him anything, but try to lead a revolt against George W. Bush
Of those choices, I'd say D. He'd probably hate DDR, he's a genius, and Atkins is death to your kidneys. I would be a lot more interested in just talking to him. While strategically planting whoopee cushions in the white house.

5. Do you think deoderant causes breast cancer? 'Splain.
Only if you put your mind to it. If it'splain cancer, not flavored. Flavored cancer must be acquired through albatross.

6. Lastly, your opinion on these questions? Because I know they aren't that great.
Holy shit! I'm allowed to express my opinion?
You don't know they aren't that great. I think they're interesting. Moderately better than a chinchilla, but not quite so fantastic as two if you datch my crift. I think they're pretty good questions. Nice atmosphere, good lighting, and quick service. Not sure if i'd eat here though.


The end. IF you want me to interview you with five questions, ask me in my comments server bladeeblah blah..
GO MELISSA!
quote? How about I'm late for tae kwon do, I'll post two tommorow.

For those of you who didn't get the joke, now you have to go watch fight club. Yes I assign homework. step off.
And now, in honor of Dee's new site, i'm gonna spin a little verse for y'all..

step up/ step up/
now you're under attack/
cream your cofee and sugar/ it's time for shortstack
that's right/ missus Hannah/ the white chocolate chick/
if you got a problem with it you can suck my proverbial-
Dick Cheney/ Pullin puppet strings/ same guy/ same storm/ diifferent decade/ the truth rings/ but who cares about all that shit/ you already know W's drunk drivin us into a pit/
What I wanna verse through is hate/ you preachin no war, free love/ fine girls, that's great/ But why are you repeatin' what you're fed?/ Polly Parrot "kill bush bust that fucker in the head!"
Dee: Wanna borrow my pretty 9 mil? We could break the stagatory/ find some liberals to kill
SS: No thanks/ Well, babes just not to the latter/ short stack is mixin rhymes back into her batter/
Wanna bring you a thought of a whole new brand/ don't preach the shit you don't understand/ A to the CLU fine by me/ but even though I'm in it/ my brain belongs to me/ I'll form my own opinion thanks/ run along little robots/ blow up all the guys with the tanks/ If you do what they tell you to do/ you're a bastard whether Liberal, Black, White, Republican, or Jew/
Yeah follow that bright shiny light/ O shit its a train/ you're fucked for that fight/ make up your own mind if you wanna argue it/ If you can't back yourself/ Shut your trap/ cuz you don't know shit/
I know you might be hatin on Dee/ cuz he's dirty southin shit up in the army/ but you can't be serious 'bout bustin his views/ when he's knee-deep in shit and you just watchin the news/ You believe everything a little box says?/ Media freaks dispense lies like pez/ you all need to listen to every side/ form your own opinion then shut up and take the ride/ have fun sleddin downhill America/ Great depression the sequel gonna have us druggin like Erykah/ Badu she's got the groove/ but any more crack/ twig snap/ she won't be able to move/
Then there's some feminists/ hypocrisy's made of 'em/ got a case of Perpetual Masochist Sadism/ or PMS you might say/ "let's kill all the men, we're better than they/ just because a lot of guys are pricks/ gives us reason to go 'round and chop off their dicks/ we'll abuse them and whip them till they submit/ two birds with one stone/ equal rights and we'll get off on it/
Whoa what the fuck?/ ladies, hold your chains/ men are human most of them are decent and got some brains/ you can't fight the stupid ones/ for them it's too late/ so hook up with the good guys and procreate/
I'm not saying be a housewifin' bitch/ but ain't there a medium/ ain't there a way you can switch?/ fight for your rights without beatin the opposition/ don't call yourself superior/ if you want to be equal/ no war of attrition/
Now ladies you gotta make the scene/ you'll get no repsect for being bitchy and mean/ Just finding random people with dicks to ramp on/ now who the hell lit the fuse on your tampon?
/ boom-blow/
if your man's a good one/ treats you with respect/ don't accuse him of controlling you or lookin the wrong way/ you won't gain shit/ by playing ball and chain/ you'll lose yourself a friend/ and only tight-ass respect is what you'll gain/
So in closing/ I'll remind you of this/ I don't piss about the government/ cuz I don't know enough to piss/ I'm not dumb/ but I haven't had time to check my views/ If I talked I'd just be parroting second hand news/ So I'll shut up and listen till I know what I learn/ I beg you do the same/ follow my example in turn/ short stack wont butter no political party/ slick chop to the throat if you fuck with this shawty/

Peace.
Love you, Dee ^_^.

"Holy fuck...that'd be a good name for a condom line."-Ryan Collins

Wharg. People are noticing the weight-loss thing. Most are opposed to it. They can join my club. I hope nobody thinks I'm sick. If theres one thing I can't stand is when people jump to weird conclusions like that. She's losing weight, she has an eating disorder. That's not cool. Thats like automatically assuming that all people that have sex have STD's. Yeesh.

Aunt Debbie: Hannah! Where's the rest of you?
Hannah: Paper Street soap company.

She didn't get it.

A lot of people assume I'm a vegetarian too just because I "look like one". Thats always the funniest. I always take that opportunity to gnaw on large pieces of meat, if they are handy. mmmmm animal flesh...
oink!
Man, it'd be so cool if you didn't have to prepare or cook meat. If animals were just walking around and they were already cooked or whatever, and all you had to do was press a button and it died and you could pick it up and just start eating it. All white meat collapsible chicken..
What part of my brain was that? O_o.
I think about licking inanimate objects a lot these days. Its almost an intrusive thought, but not. I love molly. Molly is good.
My clothes are delicious.
Melissa needs to interview me.
I owe the church money.
I owe the school library money.
I am broke.
I owe the tae kwon do school money. I think. Maybe. No.
I should babysit.
I have no time.
Ryans doing the right thing not going to college, but I want a few years of artistic work. I need some sculpture boot camp. I hate being tied down to the wee hours of the night as my only time to make mixed-media hands and bleeding hearts.
I hung my birthday present from walter up in my room. Its this huge fucking abstract airbrush..its delicious looking..black and white..the shapes, duke, THE SHAPES...
Alison should blog.
Molly should go to Urban outfitters and buy these skirts that are yummy. Pleated skirts. They come in Lime-green and neon turquoise, which are the colors of molly.
Sage should call Paul Winters and ask for a job (215-657-6008) because landscaping is good. Ryan too. Ryan and Sage can be my new lawn mowers. Pauls people mow our lawn and cut our brushes and whack our weeds, when dad isn't up to it or doing something else. At this point, Evans Winters and Chris Simpson mow my lawn. Troy Kelly aussi.
French students are here. I miss Isabelle. I should email her.
And finish my rap.
Bif.
"Everybody always complains about the weather, but nobody ever does anything about it."-Mark Twain.

Would you beat me up if I called you "pummy-ummy-umpkin?"
This is how I count who comments.
I'm not going to be depraved enough to say "nobody comments" because that would be bullshit. I have more comments than bush has brain-cell fatalities. You know he's a drunk, right?
Anyway, I'm counting heads.
Queaf.
If you know what a queaf is, comment with "yes" if you do not know what a queaf is, comment with "no". Also, if you do not know what a queaf is, feel very, very lucky your mother didn't randomly explain it to you last year as did mine. And yes, queafs are real. And if you don't know, you probably shouldn't. Or I will explain it to you in person.
I'm going to have a hefty job at the tae kwon do studio this summer. If you want to see me, you'll have to do it in the morning.
I cut tae kwon do yesterday and went to the morning showing of Shrek at the ChasIII. I got caught. I lost some of my parents trust. But..
IT WAS WORTH IT!
surround sound! third row! popcorn! silence! AMAZINNNNGG!
it was like Shrek all over again. But better. Less people in the theater and I understood a lot more of the jokes. Also, I had forgotten to take my adderol therefore I had pretty much forgotten the entire movie, so it was like seeing it again. I laughed at all the jokes. It was GREAT! I left smiling. It kept me smiling all the way through an hour and a half of math tutoring with no food in my stomach. Now thats progress!
Walter was home for a couple o' days.
Babysat at church today.
Seder yesterday.
Saw ladykillers day before that.
The basic eight is delicious and I will eat it again once I am done my first round.
My pants are falling off.
Weight loss. Ew.
My easter basket was arranged to accomadate my weight loss plan, thank you mom and dad. One chocolate bunny. Normally i'd be upset. But the chocolate bunny was in front of (or rather BLOCKING OBNOXIOUSLY) the delicious headband that makes your head look like a daisy and the box set of bruce lee movies. :-O!!!!!!!! The cheesy old kind, too. I can't wait to watch em' all.
This is all for today.


"The difference between genius and stupidity is that there's limits to genius."-Einstein. Dad says this is his favorite quote.