Aiiiiyaaa sweet. sweet Beltane.
My feet have about an inch of dirt/callus/blister, my skin is stained with sun, I smell like flowers, and I'm fucking exhausted...and happy. Very happy.
Not going to RHPS. Too bad, but honestly..I haven't spent time with madame Marla Fisher in ages, and I freaking love her. I sleep at her house and church the next morn. There will be other RHPS's wherever I go. Once I bolt this town like a bat outta hell in three years, there probably won't be a Marla. But there will be more RHPS. mmmmmmmarla. What an amazing young lady.
The yesterday, the yesterday...
I bopped mah butt over to BarnesnnNobles and paged through some astrology stuff. Before that, I went to their cafe thingie and the starbucks people were interesting.

Starbucks Lady: What would you like?
Hannah: I dunno.
Starbucks Lady: Would you like something hot or cold?
Hannah: Cold.
*Starbucks lady and guy exchange excited glances*
Starbucks Lady: O. My. God. I reccomend...the strawberries and creme frappucinno. They are AMAZING. you HAVE to have one!
Hannah: *shrug* okay.
Starbucks Lady: Yes! These are soo good! I'm so having one of these on my lunchbreak!!
Guy: Can I make it?
Lady: No! I wanna make it! I make really good ones!

They argued over who got to make my frappucinno for a few minutes, then got hoppin. Oddly enough, it lived up to the hype they just put it up to. Tastes like a very well-done strawberry milkshake. I reccomend. Not with that much enthusiasim though. That enthusiasim is reserved for La Maison Du Chocolat chocolates only. What a great little high-price madison avenue boutique that is..
I'm glad all the crazy people are excited about frappucinnos. Happiness is happiness, no matter how underprovoked.
I bough some yellow daisies at clemens. Distributed the majority of them this morning.
Ja, so after the Barnes&Noble adventure I went to tae kwon do. 'bout ten minutes before the class ends I hear Brian say "I need to leave at 8 to see Kill Bill Vol. 2 with Chris and Mary"
O_O
"Can I come?"
"sure!"
:-O!!
awesome.
I actually hadn't seen the first one, so through much of it I was pretty fucking lost, but it was still soo freaking cool. It's fun hangin' with my tae kwon do peepls as well. They are going to be my family for the summer. Chris already knows where my house is without me telling him. We left the Baederwood right after Rocky Started. I got chided by Jon Choddish on the way out for not being in. O well. Not that I wouldn't want to..I just got crap to do is all.
Still though..KILL BILL!
wow.
The first one was probably higher on the awesome scale..but that kung fu guy was pretty cool.
*strokes beard*
Katie works at the baederwood! WHOA!
(not KT but another katie who I gusta)
Sarah Moskowitz works at the Little Dipper too! WHOA!
yup. Noticed that just yesternight.
Now shut up before I snatch out your other eye and squish it between my toes, bitches.
Or a five point palm exploding heart technique may suffice.

"I didn't even do anything with her on that date, all we did was eat. *pause* NO! Bad choice of words!"-Brian. The kid who NEVER stops talking about girls. EVERR. Nice guy though.

You should feel what I feel/
You should take what I taake/
You should feel what I feeel/
You should take what I taake..

Star Guitar. Chemical brothers. It makes my soul soar..
Field trip to the Whitney Museum of American art some time unit ago. I spend so much time in my own brain sometimes I forget where I am. But that also made my soul soar..I swear to god contemporary art has some kind of magic affect on me. Not even necessarily contemporary, GOOD art. Emily and Marley can attest, I kind of drifted onto some other plane instead of walking with them. I either glide through like some hypnotized zombie, or skip from painting to painting like a kid in a candy store. I rarely talk. I get bothered severlely if anyone tries to talk to me without me saying anything first. Unless what they say is extremely profound and less than a sentence. But its amazing..my eyes never widen that much, my smile never gets that big, I'm never that quiet, I'm never that smart or pretty or happy anywhere else...outta body experience. Its like music but it washes around through my eyes and I can hear music in my brain..and when they have these installations...where they take the whole room and turn it into art..
those are the best really. They surround you in art. The ones at the whitney were amazing, the walls, the lights, the sound, the smell, eVERyfucking thing you feel in that room is the art, what the artist wanted to be. You are in the artists mind, walking through the creation..god its amazing.
My favorite installation ever was called "Open Field". By james turrell. I was in scottsdale Arizona in this crazy little art gallery. There was one piece that was a set of stairs leading up to what looked like a blue square on the wall. I was about to walk past it, when a museum guard told me to take off my shoes and walk into the square. I did. It wasn't a square. It went back. A room. But you couldn't see the dimensions of the room, or the floor, or anything. I kept walking. It went back very far. I heard the museum guard yell from what seemed like a mile away "don't go past the black line or you'll fall off". I walked for a few more paces and came to a black line floating in space in front of my feet, but i couldn't really tell the difference between the floor and the rest of the space I was in. I wasn't really sure where the walls were. I knelt down next to the black line and felt around past it. Nothing. There was no floor left. I looked back and the rest of the museum was a picture the size of a television screen with some other viewers walking by it. A square. Floating in a blue space. I felt like I could live there. I came back and walked out of the wall feeling changed.
I love it. I could eat it. Anyone who has asked me how the whitney was, i tell them it was delicious. Seeing so many matierial thoughts, so many processes of labor that the artist knew weren't going to get them anywhere except in a room, or dreamed that these labors of emotion would bring them fame, so many different people..
gush, gush..
I can truly imagine each artist walking into the gallery where their own art is hung with the paint splotches and welding scars and scratches and burns all over their hands from their labors and smiling. And I know they have. I can feel the energy there..
It's a rush, really.
You should feel what I feel.
You should take what I take.

"Wouldn't it be cool if the Pope named himself the capital of Vadacin city, so everywhere he went was the capital of Vadicin city?"-Shane Eyeler.

O and then theres this.

Weekly staff meetings
3 kickboxing classes a week
4-5 tae kwon do classes a week
1 Hap Ki Do class a week
Possible two kung fu classes a week given chris gets his firm, shapely tail in line
Demo team practices
Tournament Practices
Birthday parties and demos booking up my weekends through the months of may and June
6 days a week all summer secretary-ing
It's official-you all may have lost me to Paek's Tae Kwon Do Academy.
BUt..aye the sweet, burned calories. I did a cardio kickboxing class, ran upstairs, changed, and went right through a teen-adult int/adv class. I feel dead, but very good. Imma gonna be so fit by the end of this summer you won't recognize me. Mainly because you wont really be seeing me anymore. If I don't get to hang out with anybody for awhile, don't take it as a personal insult. I've simply sold my soul for under-the-table pay and the promise of tighter stomach muscles and higher jumping scissor kicks.
There is hope for you though. Join my studio. The team of buff men and ladies will train you well and you'll have an excellent wow-this-kid-has-discipline addition to your college app, plus possible athletic scholarships to a college tae kwon do team. And its fun. And I'll be there.
If not...
MAY 8TH
MAY 8TH
MAY 8TH!!!!
Paek's tae kwon do academy is doing a demo at that sinking wonder Copper Beech Elementary School. 12:30, sharp and stimulating. Should be one hell of a 45 minute demo. If I had a cheering section, I'd be greatly obliged. If not, I could just be Hannah the wandering warrior as I have been most of my life, tae kwon do school or no.
Beltane on saturday. If you can get laid, please do. Thats the best day in the world. Hormones, flowers, and sunshine the best holiday of the year. If only I had a guy...yeesh...
If I was your girl/ o the things I'd do to you
I'd make you call out my name/ I'd ask who it belongs tooo/
If I was your woman/ the things I'd do to you/
but I'm not/ so I can't/ and I won't/ but/ If I was your girl...
Anyway, put away the brainsponges chilluns I'm gonna be clean so long as I maintain this obnoxiously masculine personality I got stuck with. Fuck. Life would be so much simpler if I was a lesbian. I've already got the not caring what other people think thing down pat, but for the life of me I'm just not attracted to women. I've been hit on by women, but I feel nothing. Its fucking weak, honestly. If I was a lesbian, o sure I'd have my issues, but I'd also probably have a freaking significant other. Fuck. My standards aren't even that high...all I want is someone who isn't a fucking pussy that runs away everytime I step forward. Is that so much to ask? A man for chrissake, I need a MAN!
O_x<------------
ow my eye.
Yikes. I'm in the wrong damn town for that kind of demand. Maybe I should travel south. Or just into a city. Maybe if I got raped suddenly I wouldn't be so desperate for someone forceful-
what the fuck, now thats a terrible thought. My goddamn brain..ukkk...rape is bad...BAD...
At this point you may think "hannah doesn't need a man, she's fine by herself". You have to understand where I'm coming from. I've been by myself a pretty long time. I run errands. I take myself out in the world. Most of the times I leave my house, I'm alone in small slots of time between prearanged activities. Me and my tote bag taking on the world, talking to the adults running it, making sure everything is scheduled in line. It's been this way for a long time, filling out paperwork in coffehouses, eating my frozen dinners, walking, always walking, showing up in random places to drop things off, always on the way to somewhere else in some kind of business jacket..
I live like a single 35-year old woman running a damn business. Except I don't have a business, I just have my life. I'm a damn ringmaster, running five different scenes at once, surrounded by people, everybody knows me, and I seem to be the most talented person there..but when you really think about it, I don't do ANYTHING. I'm just a fucking loud flashy loner. And I've lived this way for a very long time.
I just need a change. If not a man, I need to run away somewhere where nobody knows me. where i'm not the ringmaster. I wanna watch for awhile. Eat some damn cotton candy while I still have the chance..
I want to go to college far away from here. After high school, less some chance meeting or a reunion happens, most of you will probably never see me again. I intend on it. Not anything against anybody I know..i just need some time. The limelight burns me, though i love it so.
I told my dad about this. He started mentioning New Jersey, places in Philly, and I said those were too close. Then he said he didn't mean college, he meant actually moving..
And at first it seemed crazy.
But its flips in my mind..
Moving doesn't seem so bad. New school. New people. Having to start all over again.
It has it's appeal.


"The standards are pretty high, I need to do a one-footer"-From my soon-to-be-mass-email-publication "Pick Up Lines for DDR players." Coming to theaters near you this later.