rargh.
I finally watched faranheit 9/11.
My verdict:
I can't think one way or another about anything Michael Moore says about company ties, ties with the bin laden family, or other conspiracies. My gut says it's true, but there's a little part of me that goes "don't believe everything you hear". It says that about fox news, it says that about michael moore, it makes me double-check everything. So for that, I stay shady/liberal because of my upbringing.
All that aside...what was real was the war footage. Shit. That didn't make me angry about the president..it didn't make me want to shoot republicans on sight..what it did was make me want to run out to Iraq and rescue my friend Tim. I don't want people to die nomores. The image that stuck in my mind the most was the charred corpse hanging from the rafter in a town square. I wouldn't wish that on anybody. No matter who it was. Saddam Hussein, Hitler, Bin Laden, whoever I don't want a damn charred corpse hanging from a rafter. That makes me want to hurl. And you can't disprove war footage. You can scoot around anything about Haliburton and voting mishaps, that is true. Paper is arguable. Charred corpses, dead children, intestines and the like...that's too goddamn real..
And I wouldn't wish that on anybody. NOBODY. It just hurts dammnit..my political orientation is based only on primal feelings. Pain bad. Peace good. Love good. caveman. oog.
Dammnit Dee if you're sent to Iraq don't get your ass killed please. I wouldn't be able to take that. And nobody else should be able to take that either. Nobody deserves to be burnt to a crisp and suspended from a damn overhead rafter.
In closing, I offer this. If I were christian, I would be a republican. Politcal parties are based on values. Republican candidates have christian values. I am not a christian. I don't have christian values. Bada bing. Bada boom. But I have no problem with people that do. I understand. Those values 'ent wrong...they're just different. So be a democrat. Be a republican. But make friends with the opposing party and live with them. It's possible, I swear. Unity ent easy..but it's possible.
Bedehbehdehbedhee that's all folks.

"Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man"-klingon proverb

Thank you emily.
It appears my good friends that I am in "a slump".
Many people have pointed it out.
Don't worry emily, I still plan to concieve my tara..my little girl by a beltane fire some day far off into the future..but not now.
Although thank you for reminding me. I can't thank you enough.
I miss the kids in my life. They're all girls, but I haven't been able to get as close to boys. And some of them aren't even kids anymore.

A-list
Laura Weiner
Deidre Sullivan
Tina Pettine
Cory Pettine
Jillian Murray.

If put into a room Cory, Deidre, and Jillian would suddenly create some sort of psycho-intelligent bond where I think Laura and Tina may either kill eachother or become best friends.
Laura is so much older than the rest, but I truly admire how out of place she is from the rest of her family. She is my favorite funkmaster by far. I hope she doesn't get hurt doing what she does at this age, but she's still damn cool.
Deidre is seamus's little sis. Cute as hell. her favorite subject is science. She draws her own manga. She's 11. She reads clamp manga like I do.
Tina Pettine is one of Joey's little sis's. Reminds me a lot of..me. Sorta. Wears shawls and the like. First time I saw her she was outside in the dark playing with a hose in a two-piece bathing suit and elbow length black gloves. I was immediately in love.
Cory Pettine is 8. She plays electric guitar and knows the buffy musical by heart. She also can quote faranheit 9/11. Good girl.
Jillian Murray. I miss her most of all. I knew her at willow grove daycamp. "you know every human puts out their own ectoplasmic energy to create their own reality". She also quoted monty python and the holy grail a lot.
:-).
I miss her so goddamn much.
If my child is anywhere near as cool as these kids, I'll be quite content.
People I need to have phone conversations with for the hell of it:
Sage
Dee
Alyssa

I can call sage and alyssa.
I don't have dees number but I can send him threats involving chainsaws online and maybe that phone might start a-ringin!
Speaking of Dee, I tried to write a rap yesterday for old times sake. It was good, but also really unfinished.
For those of you who don't know, even though actually rapping doesn't work so smoothly for me, I am actually not to shabby at composing them.
Blast through the past!

Bass bass/ subwoofer take the pain off my mind/
smooth out my brain/ roughed up by the grind/
and rewind/
Take me back to the days/ easy school warm breezy not like this new age/
this cage/
Welcome to the machine against my rage/ charcoal scratches on a dammned lined page/
sounds good, flows smooth but it's shit on a stage/ my voice ain't suited for this day and age/
someone get this girl a ventriloquist/ paint me brown, tie me down/ operate/ don't matter/ still pissed/ fine i'll be a lyricist/ conform and cut to melody if you insist
chorus
I'm a mess
I'm blessed
In a silver lining dress
so why do I
have pain
Every cloudy sky breaks to rain

Not too shabby, but I'll leave real rapping to every nationality except caucasian female. Because lets just face it. It sounds stupid when we do it. Absolutely no fucking exception. You can't be white, female, and not sound like a total jackass when rapping.
Alright, that's enough.
Let's end this with a tasteless joke.

What do you give a deaf, dumb, and blind kid for christmas? Cancer. - brought to you by Jason Stearns. Congratulations. You found the only girlfriend that laughs at you instead of beats you up for such remarks.

Whorefuck.
I can't see the school play, which makes me sad. Aye abington, for the first time in years I haff failed thee.
Also.
Dear immune system,
You suck. Wake up.
Also.
Dear paranoia,
Shut up. I am not out to get you, I swear. But if you keep rearing your head I will kill you. Stay where you belong. All you really have to be paranoid of is me.
My parents think I'm a whore. No. My dad thinks I'm a whore. Mom is very "well, I did so much worse in college"
i know it's a shitty mental image but dad was the pothead, mom was the slut then they both cleaned up and now they must ridicule their offspring which both managed to develop the same exact tendencies to their respective genders.
The world is a fucked up place.
Blood test. My entire arm hurts now because of it. If the doctor infected my bloodline, I'll have to stab something. I never want to be hospitalized for anything involving blood/spinal fluid again. That was point-blank the worst experience of my life.
Jessie Pettine's havin a little baby boy in february. Matthew.
A BOY. Dear god..a boy..in that house..
It wont be an easy life, that's for sure. I hope he's healthy.
I ask myself what I would do if I got pregnant right around now and the immediate gut voice goes "kill it". That's scary. No emotion attatched. No "i lost my baby". Nothing. No qualms. No "it's the right choice blah blah blah". Just "kill it. It can't live with me and I can't live with it. No. Kill it".
I wouldn't give the opposing party a say either. God knows if I'd even tell 'im. I'd get the plus sign on the little stick, march out the house, come back with an empty uterus and continue on.
Disturbing. And the real crazy part is getting pregnant barely seems like a big deal because of it. Lack of fear towards real scary things is scary in of itself. But nope. If a doctor said "you're pregnant" I'd say "kill it".
Feather's daddy died. So much death lately.
Kill it.
If only everything that grew inside of you could get aborted so easily.
Nope.
Love ain't that easy. You carry those children for the rest of your life. Nope..when you want to get out of a relationship you can't just abort and 'kill it'. Noo...child support. Keep taking care of it. Running away makes it worse. Don't we all pay our debts to our ex's every now and then?
"So how's things?"
"okay I guess"
"how's your mom?"
"Alright. You been dating anyone else?"
"*shift**silence*yeah"
"oh. cool."
Argh. I've been reading needful things and taking in crack-acid loaded flash cartoonery at www.fat-pie.com . Don't watch anything on that site unless you are in the mood to have your eyes widen 5x their normal size have your heart flutter mad and your stomach get caught between vomit and laughter. The overriding theme is a question mark. Or just a manic crack addict will do.
But if you do go for it I reccomend salad fingers 4 and spoilsbury toast boy -1.

Girl: One day you will be sorry for bullying me.
Bear: What if I lit your face on fire? *lights the girl's face on fire*
Demon: It's funny because it's true! -From fat-pie dot com.
WARNING! MAKE SURE YOU HAVE A HYPHEN IN THAT URL OR THERE WILL BE PORN! BAD PORN!

Time renews tomorrow,
When we've used today.
It will find the sorrow
And wash it all away.

Love can play a new tune
On this carousel.
It may be tomorrow,
But only time will tell.

Wizards is an excellent movie. It speaks most clearly to me as ryan, ruairi, and everything he stands for. Somehow. I dunno. Anyway, it is a 1977 Ralph Bakshi film with awesome awesome artwork. It takes in the lost art of cell animation and animation stills within the story..beautiful. The colors sing. All the hell beasts are actually real people but done over so they look animated using printing somehow..I don't know. It's just freaking cool is all.
Anyway the story is of a world several million years after a nuclear holocaust. In the dark lands, radiation mutants flourish. In the good lands, elves and fairies, the true ancestors of man live happy lives. One day Deliah, a fairy queen of Montagaa falls into a trance on the aniversary of 500 years of peace. She gives birth to twins immaculately. These twins were wizards of opposite polarities. One, Black Wolf repelled all and spent his time torturing small animals. The other, Avatar was good and entertained his mother with magic tricks throughout her dying days. Then when his mother passed away, Black Wolf wished to take over the throne. He fought a battle with Avatar. They nearly destroyed eachother in the process. But it was avatar's grief over his mother's loss that got black wolf in the end and he banished him to the land of scortch. Then Blackwolf studied the black arts enough to ignite beasts from hell to fight for the rule of mutants over the good lands, but the hell beasts got sidetracked often in battle from lack of motivation. So he had them dig up pieces of pre-holocaust war technology, tanks, guns...and finally a newsreel projector containing hitler's deeds, a recipie for hellish chaos the beasts would fight for..
The result is Wizards. Crazy crazy excellent awesome movie about the battle between magic and technology.
Buy it. 10$. Worth it, I swear.

"Mother-daughter relationships are odd. Both parties know about sex, but they ain't talkin. Better to talk about cannibalism."-I don't remember. But true.

Things to know.
Today at 6:00 at the abington YMCA there is to be a demo by my lurvely tae kwon do studio. Be there or be somewhere else less cool.
Also.
I'd like to recognize a young lady by the name of Steph Moffa. ASHS junior. Probably one of the sweetest people I've met this year. She's got one of those souls that just kinda sweeps all the angst outta you real fast. I liked her a whole lot since I met her in social studies class, but I felt the need to actually bring her to attention after she talked to me on friday. She was like "Oh, I talked to your boyfriend the other day, he seems nice, tatatateetum, blah,"
And I was like "Yeah, jason, tralalala, much more sucessful than my usual tries, blahblahblah, really frickin tall, lalala"
But then she said "Well, he brings a smile to your face. That's always a good sign."
It was only then I realized i had been grinning ear to ear like a damn lovesick idiot the entire time I was talking. Not like smiling. I knew I was smiling. But I noticed I had that grin on my face like I would have if she had just pointed out that I had toilet paper on my shoe. Except I don't like having toilet paper on my shoe, 'nawhaddimean?
But yeah..something about her saying that made me think she was a really good kid. Seek her out if you can. Guys, she's not single, but still she's a pure ore of positive energy that is damn hard to find these days.
Other people I've noticed recently
Taren-Not TIT taryn, but the one in my active physics class with an e. Total sweetheart. Biracial. We talk about how stupid white people are a lot.
?-I don't know this kid's name but I started talking to him in physics as well. He seems like a "drew". But he likes Manowar, which is good metal if you have to pick metal. He's going to germany to see them this summer, the lucky bass-tard. Recently had his heart broken after a four-year relationship. Took notice to me when I countered girls telling him he needed a girlfriend by yelling "women aren't necessary". And we aren't. Neither are guys. Fun..but we ain't necessary. Especially if you are really just in the mood to wallow in despair.
Laura Stackhouse- Word. Total sweetheart, gorgeous eyes. Why are all the good women taken so I can't set them up with nate...(any single women reading this site should re-consider nate by the way.)
Lauren D'Amore and Dana - These sexy mofos are in my apparel design class. Dana is also in my finite class. They rule. Trust me.
Lauren: *spits skittles in dana's face*
Dana: oo, I love it when you spit skittles at me.
Lauren: ruff.
Lauren is one of those lucky scorpios that has a sucessful relationship with another scorpio. That is hard to do, but if you can pull it off..*whistles*. Raymond and Laura...passion is not dead, my friends!
I think that's all for my ranting on new acquaintences gig.
And now for a completely gross and politically incorrect moment brought to you by dan kress that may insult and disturb.

Dan: What's the difference between kittens and the holocaust?
Hannah: Dunno.
Dan: I don't laugh at kittens.